Secret Weapon #5 Popcorn and #6 Naughty day!!!
#5 is Popcorn! With a chaser of ice water! Its salty, full of fiber (but who cares about that healthy stuff) and its super filling. It can kill cravings by filling you up. If you feel full you are less likely to indulge.
It's also got the same satisfying crunch as those potato chips you are craving.
But Im not talking about just any popcorn. Im talking about gourmet popcorn. And as we all know "gourmet" is just a fancy sounding word that means "throw some flavor on that sucker and charge an arm and a leg for it". Except in this case you will be doing the gourmeting and actually save yourself some money. Heres how:
Step 1: Drive yourself to the store. Unless you are a licenceless loser like me, then go catch the bus...loser!
Step 2: Buy popcorn kernels. (bulk is cheaper of course Take your own container and score points with everyone who cares)
Step 3: Return home. (Did you really need this step? It's okay if you did. I will still be your fake virtual friend. No I won't.)
Step 4: Go in you house.
Step 5: Lock the door behind yourself. You dont want anyone walking in on your Gourmeting. People are very judgmental.
Step 6: Find a pot that has a matching lid. If you do not own one go sit on the couch and ponder why you are so lame and do not own a pot with a lid.
Step 7: Add enough oil to coat the bottom of the pot and then pour in enough popcorn to coat the bottom of the pot in a single layer.
Step 8: Turn on the burner under the pot. If you are a child go get an adult to help you with this step. If you are a child why are you reading this?
Step 9: When the first kernel pops put the lid on and wait for popping to slow.
Step 10: Turn off the heat. Sprinkle an awesome seasoning on your popcorn and devour it before someone comes home and asks to taste it.
Some seasoning combinations that dont make me gag:
- Powdered barbeque seasoning (for when i want bbq potato chips)
- Nutritional Yeast and Sea Salt (reminiscent of cheesy popcorn)
- Sea Salt and Rosemary (...mmmm...classy..)
#6 is naughty day! Ironically my suggested naughty day is also the 6th day of the week Saturday (depending on where you live). For some reason it seems to be the universal day for our bodies to behave like toddlers and demand food that no reasonable person should really consume. But we are trained from an early age to desire naughty foods even when vegan we cannot excape them. So on this 6th day take a rest from your good eating behavior and have that (veggie)burger, fries, (soy)milkshake or whatever processsed ot high calorie food you want, but dont go crazy because you stomach will make you pay for this day that is supposed to be a treat day not a "my stomach hates me" day. And try to balance the naughty foods with good for you ones. Okay?
Naughty day is also a great day to not cook. Go to your favorite restaurant that offers a veg menu item that you know isnt the healthiest but gives you the warm fuzzies. Or go buy that microwave dinner or tater tots.
Possible cheat day menu:
Breakfast: Pancakes, tofu scramble with lots of fake chedder cheese, fruit salad, home fries, green tea
Lunch: Loaded veggie burger, mound of fries, 1/2 pint coconut milk ice cream
Dinner: Large vegan cheese pizza loaded with veggies, more fries please
Dessert: tiramisu, chocolate cake, ice cream, you pick!
It's also got the same satisfying crunch as those potato chips you are craving.
But Im not talking about just any popcorn. Im talking about gourmet popcorn. And as we all know "gourmet" is just a fancy sounding word that means "throw some flavor on that sucker and charge an arm and a leg for it". Except in this case you will be doing the gourmeting and actually save yourself some money. Heres how:
Step 1: Drive yourself to the store. Unless you are a licenceless loser like me, then go catch the bus...loser!
Step 2: Buy popcorn kernels. (bulk is cheaper of course Take your own container and score points with everyone who cares)
Step 3: Return home. (Did you really need this step? It's okay if you did. I will still be your fake virtual friend. No I won't.)
Step 4: Go in you house.
Step 5: Lock the door behind yourself. You dont want anyone walking in on your Gourmeting. People are very judgmental.
Step 6: Find a pot that has a matching lid. If you do not own one go sit on the couch and ponder why you are so lame and do not own a pot with a lid.
Step 7: Add enough oil to coat the bottom of the pot and then pour in enough popcorn to coat the bottom of the pot in a single layer.
Step 8: Turn on the burner under the pot. If you are a child go get an adult to help you with this step. If you are a child why are you reading this?
Step 9: When the first kernel pops put the lid on and wait for popping to slow.
Step 10: Turn off the heat. Sprinkle an awesome seasoning on your popcorn and devour it before someone comes home and asks to taste it.
Some seasoning combinations that dont make me gag:
- Powdered barbeque seasoning (for when i want bbq potato chips)
- Nutritional Yeast and Sea Salt (reminiscent of cheesy popcorn)
- Sea Salt and Rosemary (...mmmm...classy..)
#6 is naughty day! Ironically my suggested naughty day is also the 6th day of the week Saturday (depending on where you live). For some reason it seems to be the universal day for our bodies to behave like toddlers and demand food that no reasonable person should really consume. But we are trained from an early age to desire naughty foods even when vegan we cannot excape them. So on this 6th day take a rest from your good eating behavior and have that (veggie)burger, fries, (soy)milkshake or whatever processsed ot high calorie food you want, but dont go crazy because you stomach will make you pay for this day that is supposed to be a treat day not a "my stomach hates me" day. And try to balance the naughty foods with good for you ones. Okay?
Naughty day is also a great day to not cook. Go to your favorite restaurant that offers a veg menu item that you know isnt the healthiest but gives you the warm fuzzies. Or go buy that microwave dinner or tater tots.
Possible cheat day menu:
Breakfast: Pancakes, tofu scramble with lots of fake chedder cheese, fruit salad, home fries, green tea
Lunch: Loaded veggie burger, mound of fries, 1/2 pint coconut milk ice cream
Dinner: Large vegan cheese pizza loaded with veggies, more fries please
Dessert: tiramisu, chocolate cake, ice cream, you pick!
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